Saturday, February 11, 2012

//NEWS: America's Military too fat- finally time for not-shitty food

If it wasn't bad enough more than half of the country's citizens are unfit for any sort of strenuous activity (not due to any sort of age-related ailment, mind you), now it seems that the military is finally giving up on the difficult task of acquiring pants that fit for at least a quarter of the men serving. For this reason, the Pentagon has bumped America's weight problem up to Osama Bin Laden level and executive discussions are being held to get down to the bottom of what is causing all this. It's probably not the food - but that's just my opinion.

America's premiere black woman, Michelle Obama is fighting hard though. She's defying all manners of flawed logic by placing things like vegetables, fruits and other non-canned foods (remember those?) in the dietary circulation within the defense system. However, it is easy to imagine the giant food and pharmaceutical industry that is raking in billions upon billions of dollars off the prevention of such organic non-sense won't take too kindly to this and probably just find a way to pump radioactive super-fluid (or cocaine) into the foods to get service-men looking like Dragunov from 'Tekken 6'. Which isn't something I mind.