Tuesday, May 15, 2012

//SPCL: Recipes to Die For- Three Death Sandwiches

Editor's Note: A few weeks ago, right after I recruited this particular individual, I gave her the choice of chosing between assignments: The first was to take a look and come up with the five most villainous characters in video game history and the second was to write the recipes to five death sandwiches. She chose the latter. That pretty much says all there is to know about her. So Villainian and Artemis present:

Recipes To Die For:
by Artemis

Crunchy Turkey melt:

Main ingredients:
Shards of glass, Turkey, Bread, Lettuce, as many types of cheese as you like. I prefer pepper jack and cheddar, Mayo, Mustard
Heat oven to 120 C
Spread mayo and mustard evenly onto bread
Add turkey and glass shards then cover with lettuce
Lastly add all the cheese and put it into the oven for 5 minutes or until cheese melts.
Serve to someone you wish to see writhe in pain and agony while the glass goes down their throat tearing up their body from the inside, watch and enjoy.

Fried chicken sandwich:

Fried chicken, Mayo, Tomato, Mustard, lettuce, cassava plant leaves, Bread and cheese

Put bread on pan for a few minutes to toast it, and then add all the ingredients but make sure not to cook the cassava leaves and that they are absolutely fresh.

A great tasting dish, serve with a smile. If you adore watching your enemy suffer slowly but surely, then this dish is definitely recommended. 

Editor's Note: At first I found it a little hard to understand the relevance behind the Cassava plant and initial research showed it as a simple plant that plays a big part of the South American diet... buuuuttt thennnn I found out that its also one of the world's deadliest plants and its leaves and roots can produce enough Cyanide that it can easily kill a cow with just 40 mg of it crushed and fed raw. 

Chicken salad sandwich:

Ingredients and directions:
Chicken is a very versatile sandwich filling, a chicken salad sandwich needs a crispy roll, big chunks of juicy chicken, lettuce, tomato and loads of garlic mayonnaise, sweet chilli sauce or honey mustard at the very least. Preferably you should finely shred your leftover roast chicken and mix it with garlic mayonnaise and crushed Moonseed fruit, until you have a spreadable filling. You could add thin slices of red onion to your chicken sandwich, or slices of avocado.

The fruits of the moonseed are highly poisonous and are known to cause severe abdominal pain and indigestion. Fatalities and paralysis have also been reported. Personally this recipe could go either way, death or just inflicting pain. So I would suggest this recipe If you didn’t care If the person lived or died. If they die, then that’s that, if they don’t at least you delight in their suffering.

Editors Note: This drawing is here because it's cool.

Fine Print: These recipes are strictly limited to those with the expertise and know-how of Cambodian cooking and is to not be recreated, used, served or even heard of by anyone of low I.Q. and/or anyone that wishes to not go to jail. Read with a giant Salt rock obtained from the seas and keep in mind that we serve to entertain you with this, not educate you. Get your own recipes.
Side-affects may include: Nausea, Extreme Diarrhea, Infinite Sadness, buttrape in any of a number of prisons, Capital punishment, Death, Death or Death.

About the Author: Artemis is a small time villain with big time dreams. She is a fan of classic literature, Incredibly distasteful Milla Jovosfahsd movies (however you spell her name), Bakery, Nintendo and likes to take really really long walks on the beach.