Friday, October 12, 2018

/SPCL/Kavanaugh, Kanye and Klingon: The Villainous Guide to Engaging The Redpill AFK










Dear American readers of Villainian. I would like to, apologise for the lack of introduction and length to this piece for I bring it to you with great haste. It has come to my that attention that your country has a small problem.

 You see, at almost 4:00 AM GMT+ 3 (It is October 7th at the time of this writing) I was contacted by my friend and  Proud American citizen (oddly enough, living in the U.K.) Jason. Jason and I have had our differences in ideology, seeing how he’s a Christian neo-conservative and me not being that at all- you can imagine the intensity and intellectual vigor surrounding our debates in the past. I haven't talked to Jason in a while which is why it was quite confusing when he showed up out of the blue raving about Kavanaugh winning and something something something 'due process'. I didn't get this at first because I'm not American and I don't live there or nothing like this. I’m assuming it has something to do with the American virtual-identity you call ‘SJW’ to which I am learning the media has yet to debunk en mass. And I guess I count as a leftist sort of if you squint hard enough? So, okay, I realised it was serious in that American's really are trying to take this culture war international.

After a very interesting conversation that outlined several discrepancies to do with both our masculine sexual identity I decided to, quickly, put together a how-to guide for the wonderful Villainian reader base on how to deal with problematic right-wing U.S. citizens. Eventually, it is you that is our last line of defense in having to deal with redpills at 4 in the morning. Please read below for a step-by-step guide on how to disarm and lose that one idiot that has never seen the insides a book. Note that these are not necessarily in order nor is it important they function within that order.

Do Not Debate

There's really no point to this. Debates only establish who's good at debates. If you're a leftie you probably will try to spend a lot of time either trying to win or make too much sense. Don't give yourself a headache, bud.

Say No To The Meme War

People with little concern for thoughtfulness and reason will never falter  in the realm of comedy. This is due to the large extent that comedy will never cease to be produced if given the inverse of a relative amount of thought, in the making or in the analysis of. A cursory glance at Kuwaiti entertainment will unearth a goldmine of different types of comedy. The kind of stuff that'd really expand your horizons. And it's all born out of the desert.

Look at it the way you would any discussion you have with a rightie, you pick and chose your arguments carefully and the opposition gish gallops their way through five times as many arguments, all of which are absolutely dreadful. But you don’t have time to dispel all of them in time so, like we say here in the Gulf, the kid on the short camel believes he is driving a Ferrari. It only follows that the more you think about memes, the less memes you will have to produce and you will just ultimately always lose the meme war. Don’t try. Keep your phone safe in your pocket and go around this another way.

Klingon

This method should always be in the frontline of your strategy in dealing with redpills because it is quick, simple and effective. If a lobsterboi has sniffed you out like a pitbull  within the vicinity of a child it is because you stink like a leftie, which is cool because it's like a nice stink. However, being a leftie essentially means you are an ugly alien that hates humans. These people really do believe they are like the crew of the Enterprise, going around discovering new things,  in their head and so you need to be the opposite for that level of delusion to work. So why overreact and fight this stigma in futility?  Please find a link to a free Klingon course below.

https://www.duolingo.com/course/tlh/en/Learn-Klingon-Online

Preaching To The Choir

A redpill or ‘lightpill’ s identity is predicated on the premise that you are intentionally in opposition to them so if you wish to save yourself a headache or just catch them off-guard you want to intellectually wave a white flag and signal that you are not a foe. They'll never believe that you gave up on life a long time ago and just don't give a shit. Just go with ‘haha, No need for that, brother, Trump has already secured and re-energised my faith in the real American ideal’. It would serve you to add that Kavanaughs nomination was only proof that America triumphs in egalitarian justice and due process. The average right wing intellect is besieged by such strong and bureaucratic rhetoric. It will catch them off guard that you are willing to admit that not only was Kavanaugh’s successful appointment morally correct but essential to U.S. history. If there is anything America needs at this pivotal moment in time it is the likes of someone like Kavanaugh, a Yale Graduate, taking his well-earned seat in the U.S. supreme court... hang in there.

I know you’re already asking ‘wow that sounds like a big amount of acting I will have to do’ And I am pleased to tell you it is not. You might, at most, need a beginner’s understanding in drama and a mid to high level of well concealed sarcasm. At least, this is what I’ve found from my interactions with them. I could be wrong. So make it a game. It can be fun if you make it that way.

‘Good Job, dude’

 If there is anything I’ve learned from videos of Jordan Peterson speaking on his audience is that the American male identity is tied to validation. American bros love to work, they love to feel like they are working, they like paperwork, inside office-jokes and ultimately to have the affirmation that they are indeed doing a good job in successfully playing their part in the re-establishment of the American renaissance.

This will be quite tough but no tougher than what is to come. What you do is smile just a tiny bit and, while maintaining eye contact, say ‘ I know you mean well, good job dude’ while trying your hardest not to give two thumbs up. Or any thumbs up. If you nod just a little bit that is all-the-more extra but it can take you a long way in establishing a camaraderie. It will also be at this point, if they haven’t already, that they will realise the most levels of self-actualisation and, hopefully, decide to leave you alone.




Brutalism

Okay, worst case scenario: they haven’t left you or your friends alone yet. Even worse is that they insist on trying to explain their anti-post-modern-neo-marxist-progressive position and how it is eroding the foundations of reason and logic and something about judaeo-christian morals etc. You kinda do have to stop your teeth from grinding down to chalk and have some tolerance here. It is ultimately up to you to withstand this onslaught of stupidity as it is the failure of you and your families to correctly direct your tax-dollars to proper education that has caused this. We, the citizens of the world, depend on you to diffuse this situation. Where I live, such a colossal failure in legacy would be grounds for Saudi Arabia to bomb your country back in time and annex the oil lands. But I digress.

While looking at pictures of the studio of Kanye West, the provocative performer and avid Trumpist who may or may not have an over-fascination with high brow Eurocentric art culture I’ve noticed a trend  in Right-wingers and Brutalist architecture. This is not to say that being into Brutalism means you are a total doink or fascist for I love Brutalism and I am only a goopy fascist half the time. But you can blame my Afro-Arab upbringing for that. It is what it is. 

Kanye is not the first right-winger that I’ve come across with the fascination with brutalism, a Modernist architectural approach known for its connection with highbrow culture as well for being stripped down, ugly and blocky. So my theory is this: there is no better way for a person not familiar with architectural theory to showcase their taste in Eurocentric culture but to refer to the ‘Brut’ sensibilities of modern-era mid 20th century visionaries whilst also retaining the essence of being anti-post-modernism and interested in the solid and heavy. Also, the word ‘Brutal’ is in the name and if there’s anything the average American white dude likes it’s Brutal shit.

So if you do catch them in the middle of their spiel about Post-modernism tell them ‘hey bro, I’m not post-modern…I love modernism more… I think Brutalism is possibly the pinnacle of world architecture’ and watch them light up. You will have sparked their inner child on so many levels. And watch them go on until they get tired.






‘We’re Watching Freddy Got Fingered, Wanna come?’

I’m sure the film-loving public is highly aware of the 2000s surrealist absurdist masterpiece titled ‘Freddy Got Fingered’ written and starring Tom Green. But you know who else is very aware of this movie? That’s right… the Alt-right. Because what is more cutting edge and relatable  to a Rightie than a nonsensical Hollywood- produced avant-garde film about a man-baby meme-embodiment with a paraplegic sadomasochist rocket scientist for a love interest. Surely this movie is one step up above Brutalism in the Right Wing intellectual landscape.

If you are not familiar with this movie then fear not. All you have to know is that Tom Green’s character jerks off a horse, becomes a big animator in Hollywood and takes his father to Pakistan where they eventually reconcile their differences. Your knowledge on this movie only needs to be minuscule to pull this off. Just bring up the scene with the sausages and how hilarious it was and you’ll be in like Irani Bread. In the furnace, that is. The furnace that is their masculine passion and love for America. At this point you will pose no threat to them and they will surely leave you alone. Then they will go home with the satisfaction of having made a difference in the world.

The Good Man shake and exit

In times of hardship and defeat there is no shame in saving oneself and retreating into neutral space where one can recover from the massive amounts of stupidity endured. It is vital for you to be able to always have a grasp on reality as you engage a redpill. But like Robert Deniro in heat, when shit hits the fan you have to be prepared to just walk.  But the difficulty lies in doing it in the most optimal way in order to secure that the Rightie does not immediately catch onto your dishonesty and flip out or, even yet, continue to try and ‘engage’ you.

This will be your most important performance right there and then and it is crucial you get this right. This is what you do: You will have to smile as you are looking down then up at his/her/their eyes. Then look around and nod just a tiny bit and hold out your hands for a handshake. White American straight men love a good handshake. It is the essence of the deal and the essence of work ethic. So for you to leave them in this way is possibly so orgasmic to them that they might explode from the sheer amount of respect they have just received, sending pieces of what used to be their bodies flying into near-mirror dimensions only to vanish from our own. And if that is not what we ultimately want then what is it?

Inception

This is a bonus step but to those who take my expert view in good faith it might be the nail in the coffin. For them, not you.  Note that this step will require you have went the full length to ‘engage’ said redpill(s) and have taken their information- Facebook, Whatsapp or what have you. What you do next is this:

You take a picture of yourself then display it on a screen and take a picture of the screen. Please look below for reference. You might think nothing of this but observation shows that the Redpill’s brain is incapable of interpreting more than one layer of perspective. You might think it is ridiculous but the fall-out from this weaponised technology is tantamount to you opening a portal into the same exact portal. You will have annihilated the laws of physics and existence will cease to be.